Baby Steps
by AussieShalle
Summary: This story picks up where the finale left off. September is too far away and I needed an outlet for where Linstead goes from here and how the aftermath of Voight's actions impacts them professionally and personally.
1. Chapter 1

**Season 3 left us all wondering where does Hank go from here? From all appearances, he killed the person responsible for the death of his son. No amount of pleading from Erin seemed to get through to Voight who had nothing but vengeance on his mind. But the fallout from his decision will affect everyone in the unit, especially Erin (and Jay by default). Since September is a long way off, I decided to pick up where PD left off. I've read several fan fictions that focus on Linstead and I've enjoyed them a lot. I intend to focus on Jay and Erin but will have a different take than on their relationship and where they go from here. In other words, no wedding or babies… at least not yet… hence "baby steps".**

Erin Lindsay gripped the steering wheel tightly, letting the tears flow freely down her cheeks. She was wrestling with her decision to leave Voight standing in the rain, pointing a gun at the man responsible for the death of his son. The man was digging a grave and Hank showed no signs that he was going to grant a pardon as he pleaded for his life. Maybe she should turn around. Or call Jay. Or… the thought escaped her as a single gunshot rang out.

That single shot reverberated inside the car causing Lindsay to swerve, narrowly missing the concrete jersey wall. Erin slammed on the brakes and threw the car into park. She howled, her body racked with sobs that felt like they were coming from the depths of her soul. Pounding on the steering wheel, Erin screamed "why?!" over and over, as if someone could offer her a reasonable explanation for Justin's death. Hadn't Hank been through enough? Didn't Justin deserve happiness after turning his life around? And Daniel, didn't he deserve to have both his parents?

As the ramifications of what Hank just did dawned on her, she reached for her phone. But it wasn't in its usual spot. It must have flown out of the cubby when she swerved and slammed on the breaks. She frantically undid her seatbelt and started feeling around the floorboards for her cell. Her fingers brushed against it but only pushed it further under the passenger seat.

"FUCK!" she swore loudly as she got out in the driving rain to run around the car to retrieve the phone. Tears threatened to overtake her again as she tried to unlock her phone so she could call her partner. As soon as she started to enter her code, it rang in her hand and she jumped, only to drop the phone. Halstead's name was still flashing as simultaneously grabbed it while pushing the phone to answer it before he hung up.

"Jay?" Before he could respond, she started sobbing uncontrollably again.

"Erin?" Jay paused and when she didn't answer he screamed into the phone. "ERIN?! Erin, where are you? Are you okay?

Catching her breath, Erin managed to tell Jay where she was and told him to come alone. "But what do I tell the others?" he asked. "They are going to want to know what's going on."

She hadn't thought about what to tell the others. Her only thought was that she needed Jay, desperate to have his arms around her, to make her feel like she wasn't alone and everything was going to be okay. For the first time since she met Hank Voight, she felt like she lost him. This wonderful man, the one responsible for saving her, was the one stable person she has counted on since she was a teenager and now it felt like someone had severed the cord between them. She started crying harder.

"Don't worry, Erin. I'll handle them. Just tell me where you are and I'll be there as soon as I can" he reassured her. He hung up the phone and signaled to Antonio. He grabbed his arm and pulled him aside whispering fast and low so he could get going.

"I don't know what happened, but Erin's a mess and I've got to go to her." Jay explained. Antonio started to turn to tell the rest of the unit, when Halstead growled at him. "Don't!" Dawson's eyes widened and as Jay explained he needed to go alone and the rest of them needed to sit tight until he understood the situation.

Even though he's not used to being told what to do by Jay, he realized the implication of what may have gone down. "Okay, okay." He handed the keys to his truck and said he would figure something out and send everyone home. "Jay… whatever happened, we don't go back to the District until we're all singing the same tune if you get my drift."

Jay nodded and ran towards the truck silently willing Erin to hold on until he reached her. As he jumped in the driver's seat, he heard Ruzek and Atwater yelling "Hey!" He flipped on the lights and roared down the street. He knew that Dawson would handle the team, his only focus was getting to his girl. To hell with professionalism, this was personal and he'd be damned that she wasn't going to get his full support as a partner _and_ a boyfriend.


	2. Chapter 2

If you held a gun to Jay's head, he couldn't tell you how he got to Erin. He just knew one minute he was jumping in Antonio's truck, the next he was pulling up behind the 300. Because he couldn't see Erin, he pulled his gun from the holster and approached the car cautiously. The rain that was only a drizzle at the house where Voight had sent the team on a wild good chase was a downpour at the silos. With his gun raised, he peered into the driver's side window and was shocked to see Erin curled up in a ball. Her face was buried in between her knees, with her arms wrapped around her legs. She wasn't moving and for a moment he thought she may have been hurt. He gently tapped on the window, as not to scare her. She slowly raised her head as Jay opened the door and reached in to pull her close to him.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Jay asked as he carefully patted her down, looking for any injuries. She was definitely soaked through, but appeared to be unharmed. Physically anyway. He knew that she wasn't okay in the truest sense of the word. Something was obviously very, very wrong.

Erin just shook her head, not trusting her voice. Although she wanted Jay, she suddenly felt vulnerable. Even under these circumstances, it was hard to completely let her guard down. But one look into Jay's worried eyes was all it took for the waterworks to start all over again. Jay peeled his jacket off and reached in to pull Erin out of the car so he could walk her to the truck, which was still warm because the engine was running. He knew first and foremost, he had to get her home so he could get her into some dry clothes and find out what happened between Voight and the suspect (as if he didn't already know). She allowed Jay to pull her out but before he could walk her to the truck, she turned and clung to him tightly.

They stood in the rain holding on to each other until they were both shivering. "C'mon, Erin. Let's get you home. Once you take a hot shower and put some dry clothes on, you can tell me what happened and we'll go from there. Okay?"

He put his arm around her and steered her towards the passenger side. After getting her settled, he ran back to the 300 to turn off the lights and grab the keys out of the ignition. It wasn't until he was sitting in the truck that it dawned on him that they really couldn't leave a police vehicle in this area. No doubt somebody would come along and steal it. He glanced at Erin, who was balled up again with her head leaning on the window and eyes closed. His only option was to call someone to get the car but then again, he and Erin had the only set of keys, except for the spare set at the district. And he certainly didn't want Platt alerted to their situation so he called Antonio and told him that someone had to come get the car as soon as possible because he had to get Erin home. They quickly devised a plan where Jay would hide the keys so Al and Antonio could come get the car and drive it back to Erin's apartment. Whatever happens to the car, happens as far as Jay was concerned. His priority had to be Erin.

Because of the size of the truck, Jay had to drive towards the silos before he could turn around. There were no street lights and the driving rain made it hard to see. He was finally able to find enough room to do a U-turn and as he was maneuvering the large truck around, he thought he saw a glimpse of Voight's black SVU. That can't be a good sign. He looked over at Erin, who hadn't moved since she got into the truck, and worried about what she witnessed. Halstead forced himself to stop thinking about what may or may not have happened. He exhaled slowly, turned up the heat and headed towards her apartment before they both catch pneumonia.


	3. Chapter 3

Jay couldn't believe his luck. There was a parking space right in front of Erin's building. He couldn't recall one time where he was able to park closer than 3 blocks. He hoped that was a good sign that things weren't as dire as he feared. The rain was still coming down when he gently shook Erin.

"Babe?"

Erin slowly leaned away from the door and put her feet on the floor. She looked shell shocked as she stared straight ahead.

He quickly ran around to her side before she slid back against the door. She let him help her out of the truck after he had slung her bag over his shoulder. Even though she was soaked to the skin, he still head his coat over her head. It was challenging trying to dig for her keys, keep her propped up and head covered but he managed to use her key card to unlock the entry door and lead her into the lobby. Thankfully, it was empty. They typically took the stairs but he steered her towards the elevator.

Once they were inside the apartment, he helped her remove her soggy boots, coat and hat. Erin was white as a ghost, her lips blue and her body shook as if she had a fever even though her skin was as cold as ice. After removing his own boots, he pulled his shirt and jeans off, leaving them in a heap by the door. He then focused his attention on removing Erin's clothes, adding hers to the wet pile. Still not getting any kind of response from her, he pulled her gently by the hand into the bathroom, stopping only at the thermostat to turn the heat up.

Erin stood by the tub as Jay turned on the water. Mercifully, it was hot almost immediately. He gently removed her bra and underwear and lifted her into the shower. Only when the warm water hit her, did she seem to come out of her trance and start crying again. Jay dropped his boxer briefs and joined her, hugging her tightly while her body shook. She struggled to explain what happened but Jay held his fingers to her lips and told her to wait. They had time and his priority was to get her warmed up. Her eyes scanned Jay's face looking for a reason he wasn't pushing her for more but all she saw was concern and maybe even love. They had never said the "love" word but lately felt like they were moving towards it. Now she was worried that the events of that evening would disrupt the path they were on. At this point, she wasn't sure what scared her more, moving forward or taking a gigantic step backwards. She buried her head into his broad chest, squeezing her eyes shut trying to calm her nerves. But the pit she felt in the bottom of her stomach was growing bigger.

Eventually, Jay stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel to dry himself off. He wrapped the towel tightly around his waist before he reached in to shut off the water. Erin was still in a trance so he helped her dry off and wrapped her towel around her body before leading her into the bedroom. He scanned the room, trying to determine where his workout clothes may be. Thankfully, they often came to her apartment after working out when their shift was over. He decided to check the closet and found his shorts and tee shirts folded neatly on a shelf. He dressed before assisting her, choosing flannel pajama pants and an oversized sweatshirt.

Next he made them both a cup of coffee, placing them on the table by the couch. By now, the apartment was quite warm so he turned down the heat and threw their wet clothes into the washer. When he came back into the living room, Erin was sitting on the couch with her hands wrapped around her coffee mug. She looked at Jay and gave him a small, sad smile.

"Thanks for taking care of me."

Jay sat next to her and gave her a small kiss. "Of course. I'll always be here for you. No matter what." He took the mug out of her hands and set it down. Holding firmly on to both of her hands, he asked her to tell him what happened.

Erin took a deep breath in and looked around the room as if she could escape. Talking about it will make it more real and she wasn't sure how many more tears she could shed. Jay tugged gently on her hands to force her to look at him. "Erin, I know this is hard. If I could give you space to fully process this I would, but we both know that you need to tell the story so I can help you. I have your back, so no matter what you tell me, we're in this together."

The story spilled out of her. She didn't leave out one detail, including how helpless she felt when Voight screamed at her to leave. Once she started speaking, the words just kept coming. She found herself jumping from her childhood to her teen years, to becoming a cop, to the death of Camille, Justin's accident as she shared the incidents that lead up to the single shot. Jay did not interrupt her, his blue eyes were locked on her green eyes, just nodding and squeezing her hands to reassure her.

"So, let me make sure I have the facts straight. You arrived on the scene and it was just Voight and Kevin Bingham were alone. The suspect was standing in a hole that he dug with a shovel and Hank had a gun pointed at him. You arrived on scene and pleaded with him to put the gun down. He refused and told you to leave. You got back in your car and drove away. Right, so far?" Erin just nodded. "And when you were driving away you heard a single gunshot. But you didn't see him shoot Bingham? Again, Erin confirmed this with a nod.

Jay stood up and paced around the room for a few minutes while Erin watched him from the couch. She was surprised how easy it was to tell Jay what happened. There was no look of reproach or anything to indicate that Halstead supported her completely. So this is what it feels like to love someone unconditionally. As she watched him circle the room, she felt an overwhelming urge to tell him she loved him. However, this wasn't the time to reveal her feelings. For now, she would be satisfied that this was the real deal and could wait for the right time to tell him how she felt.

Erin waited patiently for Jay to stop pacing. For now, she had no more tears but she was still a little chilly and thought about warming up her coffee but didn't want to interrupt her partner's train of thought. Sooner or later, he would stop and they would figure out where to go from here.


	4. Chapter 4

Although neither imagined they could sleep, they managed to sleep almost two hours before Jay's cell phone started ringing. Erin groaned and put her pillow over her head. Jay swore as he knocked the phone off the nightstand making him get out of bed to snatch it off the floor.

"Halstead," Jay grunted walking into the living room to turn up the heat.

Erin peaked out from underneath the pillow to see the line of light coming from the gap where the blinds didn't quite reach the windowsill. Listening to Jay talk in the other room, she checked her cell before sitting up in bed. As soon as her feet hit the cold wooden floor, she tucked her feet back under the bedcovers. She remembered she had socks on so she must have kicked them off during her short nap. She leaned over looking for the missing items when Jay walked back into the room.

"That was Antonio," he told her as he crossed the room and handed her the socks she was reaching for. "He and Olinsky were out all night looking for Voight but they couldn't find him." He raised his hand up to stop her from responding. "Erin, don't worry. We'll find him."

Jay told Erin that they needed to get dressed so they could meet up with Olinsky, Antonio and Mouse. Until they had a solid plan of where they go from here, they decided to meet offsite instead of the District. Since it was still early morning on a Saturday, they chose to meet at the boxing gym. There wouldn't be anyone there for a few hours. It would give them plenty of time to come together without raising anyone's suspicions.

The clothes threw in the dryer last night were still warm from the dryer turning itself off and on because no one turned it off. Unfortunately, his coat was still soaked through so he was going to have to go without a jacket. In the meantime, Erin had changed into work clothes and puller her hair back into a ponytail. She looked pale without any makeup on but under the circumstances, Jay thought she didn't look as bad as he would have thought. His girl was one tough cookie.

When Jay called Dawson earlier, he caught him up on the situation Erin encountered at the silos. Although Jay and Antonio agreed it was highly likely that Hank shot the suspect, there was some room for doubt. They wanted to get the team together and think through the scenario to see what they could come up with. Antonio knew the commander had eyes on them so they had to work fast and find Voight before other cops did.

They both headed downstairs to the car. Jay looked over at Erin as they approached the car, wondering if she would actually let him drive again this morning. "Uh…" he stammered, "do you want…"

Erin gave me a wry smile. "Halstead, you should know better." Jay looked a little crestfallen but then she tossed him the keys after unlocking the doors. She pulled on the seatbelt, and even though she wouldn't admit it, she was happy to let him do the driving for once especially since she was exhausted.

Jay pulled out and glanced over at Erin. She was staring straight ahead, seemingly lost in thought. He grabbed her hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "Hey, it's going to be okay." Erin didn't respond other than to look at him. Because the traffic was nonexistent and they had a few minutes to spare, he decided to run by his place to grab a coat. By the looks of it, you wouldn't know it was May. It looked like the rain could turn to snow any minute.

After double parking the 300 outside his building, he ran up the four flights of stairs two at a time, quickly entering his apartment and grabbing a coat and hat. He momentarily thought about changing his shirt but decided no one would pay attention to what he was wearing.

"I should tell you something before we meet up with the team." He paused to catch his breath when he got back behind the wheel.

"Antonio and Al went out to the silos last night to get the truck. They also looked for Voight. He wasn't there. And they couldn't find a body."

"Jay, I know what I heard. I saw Kevin Bingham digging his own grave. In fact, he was standing in the hole." She paused. "I know I heard a shot."

"I don't doubt you heard it…" Jay replied.

"It would have been hard to find a body in pouring rain in the middle of the night. They had to of missed it. Maybe we should be meeting at the silos trying to find it and see what kind of evidence was left behind."

Jay looked over at his partner and girlfriend. She looked scared. Terrified that her father figure did the unthinkable and would not come back from it. They all doubted Hank would survive another incarnation. Firmly yet quietly Jay told Erin they needed to meet with Olinsky and Dawson before they did anything. Mouse was also there so he could do his thing to help them determine where the Sergeant went after the altercation. Next they would have to get Ruzek and Atwater up-to-speed. In a few hours, the commander would be looking for Voight and when she couldn't reach him, she'd be looking to Dawson for answers. Answers that none of them were prepared to give.


	5. Chapter 5

Jay and Erin were the first to arrive at the gym. Since neither had a key, they sat in the car with the heater running. Neither one spoke, they simply sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. They didn't have to wait long before the other two detectives drove up, each in their own car. They followed Antonio to the side entrance.

"I thought Mouse was coming?" Jay asked.

Al said he spoke with Mouse and he'd be there soon, he was updating his laptop with some new software he needed to work remotely.

Both Alvin and Antonio gave Erin a quick squeeze as they walked past her. Dawson directed them to the break room where he started a pot of coffee. Jay and Erin took a seat on the tattered love seat, Olinksy sat at the table and Antonio leaned against the counter.

Antonio started by telling them they had to be very careful. As much as they wanted and needed to support their head of their unit, they could only go so far both morally and ethically. It was a blurred line that could easily cost them their job or even send them to prison. Up until now, Halstead and Dawson have been the moral compass of the team. Antonio hoped that Olinsky and Lindsay will keep their loyalty in check. He was trying to size up Halstead as well. He's always done the right thing, however it was clear that he and Erin were in a serious relationship now so would that cloud his judgment?

"Erin, we need you to tell us what happened. As hard as I know this is, try and state the facts as if it were any other case. It will help Al and me to hear it from you and maybe there's something that you may have forgotten that will help us. Okay?"

After retelling what she witnessed the evening before, the team couldn't glean anymore the second time around. Mouse had finally shown up and sat at the table while waiting for his laptop to boot up.

"We need to divide and conquer." Alvin looked at Mouse and told him to do his thing and find Voight. "And when you find him, I want you to call me." Mouse looked around the room, shrugged his shoulders and nodded his confirmation. Before Lindsay could protest, Al when over and kneeled next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Look, kid. You tried to get Hank to listen and he wouldn't. Now it's my turn. Trust me, okay?"

Jay stood up and announced he and Erin were going to the silos. The rain slowed to a light drizzle and he was anxious to see the scene for himself during the daylight hours. Antonio agreed. He an Olinsky were going to go back to 21 to see what, if any rumors were going around the District. Since Mouse was already set up at the gym, he was going to track Voight's phone and SVU to pinpoint his location. When he was done, he would head to the unit as well.

Because it was an abnormally cold and rainy day, the traffic was light. With a little luck, the weather will keep people indoors and give the partners one less thing to worry about. Jay was surprised that Erin headed to the passenger side again. Antonio motioned him over to his truck. "Here," he said lifting a shovel from the bed of the truck, "You might need this."

Jay popped the trunk and placed the shovel in the back. He wasn't sure if Erin noticed or not but knew that it would need it, assuming the freshly dug hole would still be visible despite the heavy rainfall. He glanced over at her when he got behind the wheel but she was looking at her phone.

"Any news?"

"No, nothing," she continued to stare at her phone, "I feel guilty. I should call Olive to check on her but I know she'll ask about Hank and I don't know what to tell her."

"Didn't her aunt show up at the hospital? I'm sure she's still with her and the baby. I know you feel bad but Olive knows you and Hank are focused on finding Justin's killer." Before she could protest, Jay continued. "This is going to take some time for her to process. You'll be there for her, Daniel and Hank. I'll be there, too and so will the rest of the unit. She will be surrounded by a big family."

Jay pulled up to where Erin had parked the 300 the night before. He could feel the anxiety coming off Erin so he reached over and grabbed her hand. "You can do this, Erin. This is how we help Hank."

"I know you're right. It's just…" her voice caught. "I… couldn't get him to listen to me."

"ERIN!" Jay spoke sternly causing her to jerk. "THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!" He put his hand under her chin and gently turned her face to him. "Please, don't do this."

Fighting her instinct to turn away and retreat inside of herself, she removed his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. She leaned over the console and kissed him on the lips. She couldn't blame Jay for worrying, she certainly gave him reasons to in the past. This time was going to be different. No matter what, she told herself, she would not go back down the road she was on when Nadia died.

She placed another kiss on his check and breathed in his ear, "I love you, Jay Halstead."

Jay froze. Was it his imagination or did she just say she loved him?


	6. Chapter 6

"I love you, Jay Halstead" played over and over in Jay's mind as they walked towards the silos where Voight allegedly shot Bingham. _Allegedly_ because Erin only heard a shot; she didn't witness the shooting. Jay purposefully parked on the road as to not leave tire prints. But now he had to stop thinking about Erin's revelation to focus on the task at hand – looking for evidence that would point to Voight's guilt or innocence.

Erin had put plastic gloves for both of them and shoved them into her coat pocket while Jay grabbed the shovel out of the trunk. Neither spoke as they covered the short distance to where Erin said Voight had parked his vehicle. The area was still muddy and they sank into the muck as they crossed the field. The good news was it made it hard to make out the tracks. With a little more rain, they would disappear altogether.

Jay made a large arc around the area where Voight's SVU was parked. There was deep indentations filled with water from the four wheels. He noticed there was another set of smaller tire tracks that were more visible. The ground was much more compacted so despite the heavy rain, it didn't create the same muddy conditions where Voight's vehicle sat.

"We need the camera," Jay yelled over to Erin. "There's tire tracks from a car over here that are fresh. You didn't mention another car but I'm going to assume that they were from around the same time."

"I'll go grab the camera" she yelled back. It had finally stopped drizzling as Erin ran back to the car to grab the camera. As she jogged back towards Jay, it dawned on her that she passed a car parked a few blocks away from the area as she raced towards the scene. There was no other traffic on that part of Damen and the parked car was definitely out of place, lights off but it was still running by the telltale white vapors coming from the muffler. How could she have forgotten?

"Oh my god, Jay!" she exclaimed, running up to her partner. "I just remembered something! There was a car parked on the side of the road. The lights were off but it was definitely running…" she trailed off as Jay took the camera from her.

"Erin, that's great. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's natural to forget details when you go through anything traumatic." Jay started taking pictures of the tire tracks. "Where exactly was the car? Could you make anything out about it? The color? Make? Occupants?"

He stopped taking pictures, capturing enough images that can be enlarged to help with identifying the mysterious car. He then turned to Erin to give her his full attention. She closed her eyes and tried to recall anything about the vehicle.

"It was older, big and square. It was light colored, maybe gold or silver. American made, like a…" she paused as if a lightbulb just went off in her head. "Wait. I've seen that car before…" She threw her hands up. "…at the Social Club. Wow. How'd I miss that? It's so obvious and makes perfect sense."

She started pacing. "Hank didn't find Bingham. Remember that call he got? He walked into his office and shut the door…"

Jay interrupted her. "That's when he gave us the address. He told us to gear up and whoever got their first, to breach the house."

"We missed the clue. Since when does Voight tell someone to breach a location until the entire team is there? Especially when it's a dangerous subject?"

"Dammit. He sent us on the wild goose chase and met up with whoever snatched Kevin," Jay snarled.

"Didn't he say 'Rev' when he answered?" Lindsay asked.

"Yeah, maybe. Makes sense because he's one of Voight's top guys. No doubt he was busting his ass to get his hands on the 90K bounty," Jay offered. "Rev has more connections than any of my CIs, that's for sure."

Jay picked up his mobile. "O? Hey, Erin just remembered something crucial. We found a second set of tire tracks at the silos and she remembered that there was a car parked a few blocks from the scene, lights off but still running. And she's pretty sure she's seen it at the Social Club."

Olinsky said he and Dawson would follow up on that lead, saying based on her description, he's knows which car Lindsay was referring too. In the meantime, Jay and Erin would continue to look for evidence at the scene.

Scanning the area, Jay was looking for signs of fresh grave. He crouched down for a better view and pinpointed the area by the uneven surface. The mud was dark and light mixed soil, unlike the rest of the area where it was dull brown. Like before, Jay circled around the area taking in the details while photographing the disturbed earth. There was no other debris noticeable but he wanted to be careful while he was digging so he didn't miss anything crucial to the investigation.

The mud was wet and very heavy. The sides of the hole kept collapsing inward the deeper he dug. He took off his coat and handed to Erin, who was standing nearby watching. She was visible nervous, knowing there was a dead body underneath the muck. Jay's shirt clung to him in the cold humidity but he kept digging. Only he wasn't finding anything. Not a body, not a piece of clothing, not even a gum wrapper. After digging for over two hours and creating a hole 3 feet deep and 3 feet wide, he looked at Erin exasperated.

"There's nothing here."


	7. Chapter 7

**_I realized this chapter started to get a little long. The next one will pick up where this one leaves off. I've never written anything sexually explicit which is part of the reason it took me a while to post this chapter. My plan is to try and post 2-3 chapters at a time but it will depend on my work/travel schedule. If anyone has any feedback, good or bad, I'd love to hear it. Thanks!_**

Jay spent another hour digging deeper and wider but still nothing. Either the body was never buried or someone already dug up the body. Erin was still watching, her wide eyes not believing that the grave was empty. Even though it was getting close to noon, the temperature dropped and snow flurries were beginning to fall. It was hard to believe it was May and they were still dealing with freezing temperatures and the threat of snow.

"Maybe we should head back," Jay suggested. He was covered in mud, his breath visible coming out in great waves as he heaved the mud back in the hole. Erin just nodded and said she would update O and Dawson while he finished. Once the hole was filled, Jay completely worn out.

"If it snows, the ground is going to freeze and this hole is going to be visible should anyone else come snooping around," Jay told Erin, leaning on the shovel for support. "And someone is going to have to explain."

Erin shrugged then handed Jay his coat back but he shook his head. "I'm way too muddy." They turned to walk towards the 300. As they approached their car, Jay looked down at himself.

"I really shouldn't get in the car being this dirty."

He opened the truck and started looking through it, not sure what he was looking for but hoping there would be something that would allow him to clean up. While he was digging, he was hot but now that he stopped his wet shirt clung to him, causing him to shiver. It entered his mind that he was at a crime scene and going out of his way to make sure that no one could connect him to it. He glanced at Erin, who was standing next to him also rummaging through the trunk. He knew it wasn't rocket science, his number one priority was Erin. Eventually he would have to deal with the moral and ethical dilemma he's found himself in. It's not like he hasn't faced these types of situations. In fact, this wasn't too far removed from what he faced during his stint in the military. His eyes clouded over in memory when Erin leaped back with a box in her hand.

"Ah ha!" she exclaimed. She handed him a box of large garbage bags. "I threw these in a few months ago when I was cleaning out my apartment after my… sabbatical…" she paused because she still felt uncomfortable discussing her inability to deal with Nadia's death. She shook her head as if she could make herself stop thinking about yet another death of someone close to her. "Remember? I donated a bunch of stuff to that domestic violence shelter in Cicero? We can use them to cover the seat and floor."

She walked over to the passenger door and gave him a small smile. "But this does mean you don't get to drive."

"Well, it was nice while it lasted!" Jay walked over and watched as she put multiple bags over the seat, on the side and floor.

Jay sat sideways on the seat with his feet outside the car. He removed his muddy boots and put them in another bag. After seeing the mud caked on his socks, he removed them as well. Because his jeans were also wet and stiff from the mud, he decided he should remove them as well. Erin's eyebrow shot up when he stood up to slip them off.

"Don't go getting any ideas, Lindsay. I'm just thinking of the car."

Despite the seriousness of the past few days, it felt good to have a small reprieve with a little flirty banter. Erin added the jeans to the bag, added a second bag around the first so it wouldn't tear and placed it in the trunk.

"I don't know if you'll want to salvage those clothes. They're so muddy you might break the wash machine, "she noted as she climbed back into the driver's seat and adjusted the seat to accommodate her shorter legs.

When she turned onto South Indiana, Jay questioned where she was going. "Uh, don't you think I should go to my place so I can get some clothes?"

Erin gave him the side eye. "My plan was to keep you at my place without any clothes so you couldn't escape. But… if you insist I guess we can get you something to wear." She had to admit he looked pretty ragged. Poor guy was freezing, his feet and legs were blue and he had goosebumps. Even his boxer briefs were dirty from the mud that soaked through the denim.

When they reached his apartment, Jay handed her his keys he had tossed into the glove box, giving her instructions on what clothes to grab. "I think I threw my workout bag on a chair in the living room. You should be able to stuff some jeans and a shirt in it. My socks and…"

"Oh, I know where you keep your stuff," she interrupted. "Trust me, I got you covered. I'll leave the car running and be right back. Sit tight," she told him with a sly smile.

Jay picked up his phone while he waited. He sent Mouse a text, looking for an update on Voight. Last he heard from him, Hank had turned his phone off so they couldn't track him. His car was parked at the social club but he wasn't there. It seemed pretty obvious that he didn't want to be found. Antonio and Alvin were with Olive, Daniel and her aunt at Voight's. They had finally left the hospital after Justin's organs were donated and he was officially pronounced dead. He also checked his email and soccer scores. His legs were moving up and down, still feeling chilled.

Twenty minutes later, he glanced at the clock and began to wonder what was taking her so long. Just when he started to send her a text, he caught her out of the corner of his eye when she walking out of the building. He whipped his head around when he realized she had a suitcase and not his gym bag. He raised an eyebrow when she opened the back door to throw it on the backseat. She just responded with her own eyebrow raise then chuckled.

"What?" she shrugged her shoulders and threw him a pair of sweats to put on.

Before he could respond, Jay's phone pinged with an incoming text. Mouse said he had moved back to the District but would be headed home soon. He set up an alert so that if and when Hank turned his phone on or his car moved, he'd know. Until then, he said to let him know if there was anything else he should be doing. Part of him hated having to tell Erin anything since she seemed to have relaxed since they left the scene but knew he needed to keep her up-to-date.

Her face clouded over but she didn't respond. The flurries turned into big, wet snowflakes that begun to stick to the road. Even though it was technically still day, it was getting dark with the incoming storm. She stopped in front of her apartment building and told Jay to go ahead and grab his bag and head upstairs, it looked like she wasn't going to find a parking spot closer than a few blocks away. Grateful, he took his bag and made it to the door in four big leaps. His bare feet were burning from the cold, wet sidewalk. As much as he liked taking the stairs, he opted to take the lift. He didn't have the energy to lug his bag up three floors. All he wanted was to get into a hot shower and warm up.

By the time Erin got upstairs, Jay was in the shower. She hung both their coats and left her muddy boats by the front door, deciding she'd deal with them later. The suitcase she packed lay open on the bed, but didn't look like he took anything out of it. Discarding her clothes on the floor in her closet, she was tempted to crawl into bed to warm up but decided that a shower would be a better idea.

"Save any hot water for me, Halstead?" she teased as she joined him in the shower.

"You ever hear of waiting your turn?" he replied.

"Wait… whose shower are you in again?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

"You're right. My bad!" he admitted. "Guess I'll let you have it…" he trailed off as he tried to slip around her to leave.

Erin wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her tip toes to kiss him. He placed his hands on her waist to spin her so she was under the showerhead. He kissed her deeply then whispered in her ear, "I don't want to be in your way." Jay made another move to exit the shower, but Erin wouldn't let go.

"Babe, you missed a spot," brushing her fingers along his neck. She grabbed the bath sponge and added more body soap, squeezing it until it was nice and soapy. She started to softly rub the sponge around the base of his neck, moving down to his broad chest making swirling motions as her hands worked their way down. Jay breath quickened in anticipation but she avoided touching his manhood, just continued to wash his legs. He sighed heavily but she looked up with a twinkle in her eye and just mouthed "patience."

The soap just rolled off his body as she proceeded to work her magic, going around to the back side of his muscular legs, using her free hand to trail the one with the scrubber. Finally, she gave up the pretense of washing him. She reached around him and grabbed a small brown bottle of oil adding a small dab into her palm. Rubbing her hands together, she applied the oil to his back and shoulders, massaging his tired muscles. Jay leaned forward resting his forearms on the tile and groaned. Erin continued to work his back muscles but eventually her hands wandered to caress his ass. Pressing her body against him, her hands wandered around to his front and was pleased to find him aroused. She planted small kisses along his spine, gently tugging at him, feeling him grow harder.

Jay's breathing became more labored as she stroked him. Finally – perhaps to prevent an evitable outcome, he spun around grabbed her hands to them pin above her head as his mouth found hers. He leaned into her, his tongue desperately seeking hers. She started to squirm as his mouth started to drift to her breasts. His lips circled her nipples and she moaned his name as he released her hands so she could run her fingers through his wet hair.

The water had started to cool down so Jay suggested it might be a good time to get ready for bed, saying he was so exhausted, he couldn't wait to go to sleep. Erin opened her eyes and tried to gauge whether or not he was joking. She was also tired; so emotionally drained she couldn't even tell by the sound of his voice if he was teasing. Surprisingly, tears sprung to her eyes but she squeezed them shut trying to hold them in. Once again, her old insecurities start to rise up as she wondered why someone like him would want someone like her. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved him. But what if he didn't love her? Why did she even say it out loud? It's too soon. And why would she say it today of all days.

Jay had stepped out of the shower and quickly dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist. Erin was still standing under the lukewarm water, obviously lost in thought. He reached back in to turn off the water and wrapped a towel around her shoulders.

"Hey," he cupped her face. "Where did you go?" Before she could respond, he started rubbing her with the towel explaining that he didn't want her to get chilled and thought moving to the bed might be more comfortable. He could tell that she was fighting tears and who could blame her? Erin has been on an emotional rollercoaster since Justin was shot.

She allowed him to dry her off and he reached for her robe hanging on the hook on the back of the door. He was worried that she was going to start reliving the events of the prior evening and selfishly he wanted to continue what they started. The aftermath of Justin's death and Hank's action would obviously need to be dealt with but they both deserved a night off. Despite everything, he still clung to those three words she whispered in his ear. It felt like a lifetime ago, but he was determined to reciprocate her feelings before the inevitable nightmare continued tomorrow morning with the sunrise.


	8. Chapter 8

As Erin brushed out her hair, Jay riffled through the bag she packed him. He was surprised to find enough clothes for at least two weeks – work clothes, workout gear and date wear. She even threw in his favorite baseball cap and a framed picture of him with his mom when he was around two years old. This was odd. He sat on the bed looking at the photo when he heard the blow dryer turn off. He placed it back in his bag, grabbed underwear, sweats and a tee shirt then zipped it shut before standing it up at the end of the bed. Hopefully he will remember it's there and not trip over it.

"I know its Sunday tomorrow but do you think we need an alarm?" Erin asked as she walked into the bedroom towards her closet. "I feel like I could sleep for days."

"I think if someone needs us, they'll get a hold of us. Let's not worry about it, okay?"

Erin disappeared into her closet and Jay threw his clothes on the floor next to his suitcase. He still had the towel wrapped around his waist but wasn't interested in getting dressed. He came up behind Erin and wrapped his arms around her, inhaling the scent of her shampoo even though her hair was still damp.

"You smell great," he whispered, his hot breath in her ear. Jay nuzzled her neck and she playfully pushed him away.

"Your face is scruffy!" she scolded.

"You weren't complaining earlier!"

He pulled her towards the bed. She started to protest but he planted a kiss on her lips. Sitting on the bed, he pulled her into his lap. Thinking he was going to pick up where he left off, she was surprised that he didn't make any moves to remove her robe, he just held her. It would have been easier to have sex because she didn't want to think about anything else. Sex and sleep was what she needed, she was sure of that. She turned sideways so she could kiss him but he moved his head slightly so she missed his mouth, only brushing her lips against his scruffy cheek.

"Erin," be began. "I want to say something."

She lowered her eyes and waited for him to finish. Oh my god, she thought to herself. I said the "L" word too soon. He heard me and now he's going to tell me that he doesn't feel the same way. As she berated herself, she realized she wasn't listening to him at all and missed most of what he said. Great job, she told herself, now you don't even know how he feels. She continued to repeat the same old track in her mind when she heard him say it. At least she _thinks_ that's what he said, but maybe she just imagined it. Or maybe she didn't imagine it. She looked deeper into his blue eyes – that look can only mean one thing.

"Wait, what?" she asked stunned.

Jay smiled. He knew exactly what she was thinking. He knew that she tuned him out, lost in her own demons that she clearly still fought. All the self-doubt she harbored since she was a little girl still raised its ugly head when he got too close.

He squeezed her tighter and told her to look at him. He gazed deeply into her green eyes and said very slowly "I. Love. You. Too."

Tears stung her eyes. "You heard me?" She paused to catch her breath.

"Of course! I always listen to you," he explained. He didn't want to tell her he was surprised she said it and just like her, he wasn't at all sure he didn't imagine it. In fact, he would have predicted he would have said it to her first. Maybe someday he'll even tell her he was afraid to tell her that he loved her long before she ever said it to her but he was afraid he would scare her off if he said it too soon, not the other way around. Right now, he just wanted her to know that he loved her. And not just love her. He was in love with her.

"I wasn't sure… the timing…" she stammered. "It just short of came out," she admitted. He raised an eyebrow as she continued. "Not that I didn't want to, or didn't mean it… I just…" she looked at him shrugged and raised her eyebrow in response, "wasn't sure if you felt the same way."

"And you were worried," he finished her thought. "You thought I was just in it for the sex?" he teased.

"Well, not exactly. I knew you cared about me. You certainly have put up with a lot from me. I'm not exactly easy."

"Erin, I'm not looking for easy. I don't pretend to know everything… what you've been through, what Bunny did to you… And it isn't hard for me to be in a relationship with you but it is a balancing act," he admitted, "knowing when I can push you and knowing when you needed space. Besides, you can't help who you fall in love with. Even if they are a pain in the ass…" he chuckled as he said it trying to lighten the mood.

"Gee, how'd I get so lucky? It's not like you're an open book so you definitely have your own pain in the ass moments," she countered playfully hitting him in the arm.

"Hey, we weren't talking about me. This is about you and how much you love me. And not just for my rugged good looks and razor sharp mind."

She rolled her eyes. "Great! Here we go again!" she retorted. "Look at monster I've created…" But before she could finish, Jay had flipped her off his lap onto to the bed and was straddling her. With one quick motion, he threw his towel on the floor and opened her robe.

It appeared that they were done talking. Jay leans down to kiss her, his tongue finding hers making her gasp for air. Erin closes her eyes allowing herself to relax. Her tongue dances with his while her hands winds around his body stroking his back. He brings his hand up to grasp her chin, forcing her to open her eyes and look at him. His eyes burn into hers and she finds her cheeks turning red. He has a hint of a sly smile when he brushes his thumb along her lower lip saying her name with equal parts of affection and desire before he crushes her lips once again. His long, cool fingers trace a line down the front of her body causing electrical currents that causes her already rapid heartbeat to accelerate to the point where she feels like she might explode. This feeling is unexpected and different. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her breast, while her hand stroked him.

"Please," she gasped. "I want to feel you inside of me."

He starts to sink into her as she raises her hips to meet him halfway. They both pause for a moment before Erin relaxes her body. Desire, thick and hot floods her body. As he starts to move inside her, she wraps her legs around his waist willing him to move slowly. He lets out a breath and eases back with exquisite slowness. He stops again and Erin groans. He thrusts into her, and once again stops.

"Please," she pants.

Again he moves but this time he doesn't stop, starting slowly before speeding up, his hot breath on her neck. Jay shifts but continues to thrust inside of her until they climax together. She tries to slow down her breathing, her thoughts scattered and her heart still pounding. With his forehead pressed against hers, Jay's breath was just as ragged. His eyes flicker open as he gently presses a kiss against on her lips before he slowly pulls out of her.

He moves to his side and curls around her like a spoon. She slides her feet between his ankles and plays with his fingertips. In the darkness, Erin started to talk telling Jay about a talk she had with Camille the first week she moved in with the Voight's. She had broken her curfew but wasn't worried about any ramifications. It's not like Bunny every cared what time she came home, even if she did tell her to come home early. So as she sneaked in the back door, she was surprised to find Camille sitting at the breakfast bar waiting for her. She used her foot to push out a bar stool and patted the seat with her hand. Erin had rolled her eyes but knew she didn't have a choice if she wanted to keep a roof over her head. She slid onto the seat, refusing to look the older woman. She grasped her hands, speaking quietly yet firmly reminding her of the house rules when she agreed to follow when she moved in. But what she remembered most was "the talk". She had a few friends who had mothers who actually cared for their daughters and told them about the birds and the bees. Of course, Camille didn't talk to her about the mechanics of sex knowing that Erin had her fill of this from a young age thanks to men who came and went through the revolving door she should have installed to her bedroom. But Camille did talk about love and waiting for the right guy. She told Erin to respect herself – she was smart enough, pretty enough – and wait for a man who would love her and consider her feelings above anything else. When you were "in love" she said there was no other feeling like it in the world. Finally, Erin understood what she meant. Although she may not have waited to lose her virginity, she now knows the difference between making love and sex; the former being so much better than the latter she told him haltingly. When she finally falls silent, he continues to stroke her hair pulling her closer until he falls asleep.

Erin listens to Jay's even, slow breaths as he sleeps. For now, the pain and heartache from Justin's death and Hank's indifference to her is forgotten. This shared love, once kept like a secret in their respective hearts, is now out in the open. Erin turns on her side and puts her arm around him, feeling like some of the relationship demons that have been haunting her have finally been released. Maybe now she can finally be happy because she found someone who accepts her, flaws and all. At least that is what she hopes as she closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

As corny it sounds everyone knows crime doesn't take a day off; however, the unit rarely works on a Sunday. Voight – for all his bravado of being a tough guy – thought Sunday was a day meant to be spent with family. Back when Justin was a small boy, he and Camille made every effort to go to church to instill some religion in their young son as well as a little bit of atonement for Hank who always lived in the gray area – one foot an inch or two over the line but only because he felt so passionate about saving "his" lost children of Chicago. So despite everything that occurred, neither Jay nor Erin bothered with an alarm. Each one hoping that they could relax and regroup for the firestorm that was sure to hit them Monday morning when they had no choice but to show up at District 21.

Erin smelled coffee and bacon. What was odd was that she didn't have any bacon and she was almost positive she was out of coffee. Maybe she was dreaming but as she stretched her body across the other side of the bed, she only found cool sheets. She opened one eye and saw that it was well past sunrise yet it dark enough to signal another gray day in Chicago.

She sat up and looked down, briefly wondered how and why she was wearing Jay's tee shirt. She remembered falling asleep in his arms but distinctly remember that she was naked. The bedroom was still a bit chilly since she kept the vent closed so she grabbed flannel pajama pants and a pair of socks. She padded quietly into the living room taking note of the two canvas bags from her favorite local market on the counter. Jay must have gone to the store while she was sleeping – she must have been really tired as she usually wakes up at every little noise. He was standing at the counter chopping vegetables, so engrossed in cooking that he didn't even notice she was up. After watching him for several minutes, she approached him from behind and put her cold hands on his back.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed jumping back, almost knocking her over. "Is that anyway to greet somebody who is cooking you breakfast?"

"Oops, sorry!" She tucked her hands into his pockets of his sweat pants and asked sweetly, "Is this better?"

He bumped her with his butt gently nudging her away. "Have a seat," he suggested. "It's almost ready."

She removed her hands from his pockets and grabbed a coffee mug from the cabinet before sitting on a bar stool watching Jay work his breakfast magic. Erin fancied herself a better cook than Jay, but there was no question he was definitely a foodie person so he knew good food when he ate it so somewhere along the line he learned to make a few good meals. There was something definitely special about his omelets yet she hadn't quite figured out what that 'something' was. She tried to see exactly what he was doing but his body blocked most of the view and he moved so quickly there wasn't time to see where the magic was before he set a plate in front of her. She was surprised to see how hungry she was and he must have been as well since they barely spoke while they ate.

Erin offered to do the dishes so he decided to go for a run. After hanging the wet towel on the refrigerator door, she went into the bedroom and realized she forgot about Jay's suitcase which was once again open and laying on top of the unmade bed. When she packed his bag, she did originally grab the gym bag but when she started grabbing clothes, she couldn't imagine not having him staying with her the next few weeks so rather than going back and forth, it just made sense that she packed enough clothes that they didn't have to do laundry every other day. If she was more honest with herself, she would admit that she couldn't imagine Jay in his own apartment anymore. But that was a conversation for another time, right now she just needed to know he wasn't going to be next to her when she woke up in the mornings.

When Jay returned from his run he headed into the bedroom. He stopped when he noticed his suitcase was gone. The bed was made so he turned around slowly, trying to determine where she stashed it. She came out of the walk-in closet and smiled when she saw the look of confusion on his face.

"Wha'cha looking for?" she asked.

"Um, pretty sure you can guess seeing how I need a shower and all," he responded with a raised eyebrow as he spun around again just in case he missed it the first time. "And I was kind of hoping to put on some clean clothes."

"Well, I thought you might like to have a drawer or two," she paused then indicated the dresser with a nod of her head, "You have the two bottom drawers and I hung some stuff up in the closet."

If he was surprised, he didn't show it. He opened the drawers to familiarize himself where she put what before headed for the shower. In the meantime, Erin had moved to the couch and was reading a book with her headphones on. He gave her a quick peck as he headed to the bathroom. She smiled but didn't look up from her book thinking it felt pretty good having him in her apartment – definitely something she could get used to.

When Jay finished getting ready, he sat on the other end of the couch and switched the TV on, switching from her favorite channel Home and Garden Network to ESPN. He grabbed her feet, putting them in his lap and started massaging them absentmindedly. She didn't acknowledge anything but he did hear her sigh, which he took as a good sign.

Eventually, she laid her book on her chest to close her eyes for a minute but promptly fell asleep. Erin didn't know how long she was out but when she woke up, the TV was off and she was alone on the couch. She glanced at the clock and was surprised to see it was after 2. As she stretched, she realized her apartment was quiet, meaning she must be alone. She tossed the blanket on the floor and checked the bedroom, but it just confirmed that he had gone out. Neither her work nor personal phone had any messages. Feeling slightly annoyed, she decided to take a quick shower to wake up. She half hoped that there would be a note but a quick glance around the kitchen and living room revealed he didn't leave one. Sighing heavily, she headed towards the bathroom where she found a post it on the mirror. Halstead didn't have the neatest writing but from what she could make out, it looked like he went to meet Alvin. It was kind of a strange place to leave a note, but at least he left her one. She didn't want to acknowledge how much it hurt to think that he didn't leave some kind of message to let her know where he was.

Feeling disappointed that he hadn't returned by the time she finished her shower and drying her hair, she busied herself cleaning so she wouldn't be watching the clock. It didn't really work as she was aware of every minute but at least she was being productive. After two hours of doing chores, she was beginning to worry – not that he was doing something he shouldn't be but worried it had something to do with the case. She had to admit a part of her was annoyed that she wasn't in the loop, yet a bigger part of her was worried about what was taking so long and ultimately how it would all impact Hank. She sat back on the couch and picked her book up thinking it would distract her. However, she couldn't concentrate. She re-read the same sentence multiple times before she threw in across the couch in disgust. She tried to immerse herself into her favorite TV show Fixer Upper, but soon turned it off. It was just noise and only intensifying her feeling of foreboding. Instead, she started to clean the oven while still trying to ignore the clock and resist the urge to text him.

She was on her hands and knees scrubbing the oven when she finally heard the key in the lock. She jumped up but then quickly got back down so she wouldn't appear too eager. But then that felt juvenile so she stood up again. This is silly, she thought, just keep cleaning as if nothing was wrong. Even with the best intentions, she still found herself at the entryway by the time he hung up her spare keys on the hook next to the front door.

"Hey," he said while hanging up his jacket.

"Hey," she responded back trying to gauge his mood. Ever since she woke up from her nap hours ago, she couldn't shake the nagging feeling of foreboding. However, Jay wasn't giving any clues whatsoever as he declared that he needed a cup of coffee.

After making a pot of coffee, Jay went and sat at the dining room table. Erin had just finished putting the cleaning products away and poured her own cup of coffee before joining him at the table. He was staring out the window, tapping his fingers on the dark brown table top as if he had some kind of soundtrack playing in his mind. She waited patiently for him to find his words but finally she grabbed his arm and said his name. Knowing he may have news she didn't want to hear wouldn't change the fact that she still needed to hear him say it out loud. Obviously, he was worried and probably trying to protect her, nevertheless she needed to know.

Sighing heavily, he stopped drumming his fingers and turned to look at her. "Did you know that they were planning on promoting Voight to Lieutenant?"

"What?" she replied looking surprised. "He never said anything."

"Apparently, they played it off as a meritorious promotion but what they were really trying to do is contain him because of his old school approach from what Olinsky said."

"Well, there's no way he would've accepted the promotion though," Erin said confidently.

"The point is they were already gunning for the Sergeant and now it's gotten much worse," Jay said gently.

Erin removed her hand from Jay's arm, placing it in her lap with her other hand. She leaned back into the chair, straightening her back as if preparing for a physical blow.

"Erin, Hank's been suspended without pay."

She looked visibly relieved. "Oh, okay. It's not a big deal… He's been suspended before."

"This time is different," Jay paused. "If he is reinstated, he will be demoted and will no longer be in charge of Intelligence."

And with that news, the room started spinning and Erin's worst nightmare was coming true.


	10. Chapter 10

Jay glanced over at Erin only to find her sleeping. Her book was on her chest, rising and falling with each breath. He stopped rubbing her feet but left them in his lap. Debating about whether or not he should give in and close his eyes, he heard his work phone chirp on the counter. With a heavy sigh, he carefully guided her legs off his lap as he slid off the couch.

It was a text from Al asking if he could meet him at his warehouse loft which served as a makeshift home for him and Michelle. Technically, it wasn't zoned for residential but somehow he managed to make it livable. He responded that he could be there in less than 30. One thing that had him concerned was that Alvin asked him to come alone. Whatever he had to say, Jay knew it wasn't going to be good. Thankfully, Erin was still sleeping soundly so he hoped he could manage to get away without waking her up. Grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch, he gently laid it on her after removing her book. Her music still blared through the headphones and he decided not to turn it off lest he wake her. He planted a light kiss on her forehead.

He grabbed her spare keys she kept on a hook buried among her many coats. That girl owned more coats at this moment in time than he had in his entire lifetime. He made it as far as the stairwell before he realized he should probably leave her a note. He turned around cursing his stupidity, hoping he didn't wake Erin when he re-entered the apartment. He tiptoed into the kitchen to grab a post it to scribble a message about meeting Alvin, hoping she wouldn't worry too much about the reason. He glance around the kitchen but reasoned the bathroom mirror would be the best place to leave it. After all, doesn't all girls spend half their life in the bathroom?

Walking outside felt like Groundhog's Day. It was as if it wasn't May at all – maybe Mother Nature got her "M" months mixed up and thought it was March. At any rate, he was happy that he grabbed a jacket on his way out as the wind was biting. The one thing he didn't consider when he left the apartment was not knowing where Erin parked the Chrysler. As luck would have it, it was the opposite direction from where he started. The leather seats were like sitting on giant blocks of ice. Jay rubbed his hands together as he waited for the car to warm up. He sent a quick text to Olinsky to let him know that he was on his way and to ask if he needed to stop for coffee knowing that Alvin's cupboards were almost always empty. How he and Michelle survived was a mystery to Jay. He liked to have his kitchen well stocked, and even if he was low on food he would never allow himself run out of coffee or beer. As expected, Alvin told him if he wanted coffee, he would need to stop and get some. And if he was stopping, he might as well grab him some as well.

Thirty minutes later, Jay finally pulled up at the warehouse and found a place to park right by the entrance. Go figure, he thought. I guess you have to live in the middle of a mostly abandoned industrial park to find a good parking spot these days. It also meant there was a dumpster by the door and no security system. He was about to put the cups of coffee on the ground when the door buzzed. Because he wasn't ready for it, the door wouldn't budge by the time it registered he needed to push it open.

Al's voice boomed over the door with a hint of sarcasm, "Hey, genius. Push when you hear the noise." So apparently there was a security system. As jay trudged up the stairs, he considered that maybe he too should find something a little less flashy on the outside but a lot of room in the inside. The space seemed massive and Jay envisioned a man cave as he gently tapped the door with his foot since his hands were full.

Alvin opened the door and took his cup of coffee out of his hands. "Thanks. C'mon in…"

"Is Michelle here?"

"Nah. She's actually hanging out with Lex today," he said pointing to the coat rack where Jay could hang up his coat. "Believe it or not, they've become pretty close."

Jay raised an eyebrow but didn't respond when he elaborated, "but don't ask about Meredith. She's still pissed at me, and probably always will be."

"Sorry, Al." Jay patted him on the shoulder and changed the subject. "So… this is a pretty sweet pad."

Alvin swelled with pride and beamed as he offered to give him a tour. After years of living in the garage, he was happy to have more than a room where the garage door rattled every time the wind blew. Everything about the loft was large, from the living area, large kitchen, and two huge bedrooms. The place could have easily fit a family of six or seven. The kitchen had all the latest bells and whistles which was pretty ironic considering Alvin didn't cook. Jay walked around the marble countertop dragging his hand along the edge.

"Wow. This kitchen is awe… some!"

"The kitchen is all Michelle. She really loves to cook. Or so she told me… she doesn't exactly have time between the gym and school."

"Kinda hard to cook when you don't have any food, isn't it?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, well… I've been kinda busy," he shrugged "so grocery shopping has been the last thing on my mind."

And with that, Jay knew the small talk was over. Alvin walked over to his large recliner and sat down. Reluctantly, he followed him and sat in the opposite chair.

The loft was eerily quiet. Jay was used to noise – from the street, from the neighbors – in fact, he always had music playing or the television on in the background. He wasn't too comfortable with silence but he waited for the other man to speak first. He glanced over at Alvin but he seemed to be lost in thought. Jay started to wonder if Erin woke up yet when he finally started to speak.

"You know, kid. I wasn't too sure about you when Antonio brought you into the unit. No offense, but you seemed a little too much like a goody two shoes so I wasn't sure if you would fit in with Voight and his…" he paused and cocked his head to side as if he were searching for the right word before continuing. "… his _approach_."

Halstead didn't know where he was going so he just waited for him to continue.

"But when you came down to the docks that one time… When we had Pulpo…," Alvin swallowed hard "when we were getting ready to… you know… and you showed up. I was relieved. You did what I didn't have the courage to do. You stood up to Voight and told him it wasn't right. I mean, I _did_ try to talk him out of it. But I guess part of me understood why he wanted to… you know, dispense some street justice. We're old school kinda guys. In the past, we handled things differently. Not that we always saw eye to eye, but he's always had my back. And I had his. You've heard the stories, probably. I mean, I assume you've heard the rumors about Browining… Hank and I have a complicated past so it's not easy when we disagree. Not that we disagree a lot but when we do… I always defer to him. Not just because he's in charge but outta respect. I'm his partner, for better or worse. And yet… some decisions haven't sit well with me. Hell, I don't know if I'm explaining it right…"

He paused and took a deep breath in while Jay just nodded that he understood.

"Then you show up and talk him down. And I was like ' _damn_ , this kid has balls!'"

Halstead smiled a little. If he only knew… at another time on a different day, Jay could enlighten him on some of the decisions he made as a Ranger. He understood more than Olinksky could ever imagine. He shuddered and pushed the thoughts back down into the dark dungeon he kept them in.

"I never thanked you for that. I mean, I was conflicted. I really felt like we were doing the wrong thing. You made it easy for me by talking him down."

"No thanks needed, Al."

"At any rate, I'm grateful. Now Voight needs your help again."

Jay looked surprised. "MY help?"

"Hank's been suspended. Even if he gets reinstated, he won't be back to Intelligence. The Commander has made it clear that Antonio is now in charge. Permanently."

"Wait, what?" Jay questioned what did he just heard, shaking his head. "Suspended, yeah maybe but not coming back to Intelligence? I can't believe that he won't be back in the unit once this clears up. I mean I assume that it will clear up," Jay stated firmly.

"You gotta realize something. They've been gunning for Hank ever since he walked out of Statesville," Alvin explained. "He knew that sooner or later they'd succeed. Problem is he always fought them. Successfully, I might add. But now…" he shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "He's given up."

"So… you've seen him then?"

Alvin shook his head. "No. But I've seen Olive."

He explained that after they donated Justin's organs, they immediately had his body cremated. After the arrangements were made, Hank left the hospital and on one has seen or heard from him since. "Olive is still in shock and is barely able to make decisions. She will be going back to the base with Daniel and her aunt to settle his affairs. I'm not sure where she'll end up but I hope she'll be close by for Hank's sake."

As Olinsky was filling him in, it dawned on Jay the impact of all this would have on Erin. There was no doubt that Justin's death was taking its toll but Hank disappearing, suspension and Antonio's new position as the head of Intelligence. He glanced at his watch and realized how much time had passed. Surely she was awake by now and he was anxious to get back to her. Then he realized Al said Erin's name.

"Sorry, my mind drifted. What about Erin?" Jay looked at him sheepishly.

"Look, Jay. I won't presume what you know or don't know about Erin's past but this is going to hit her hard. When Nadia died, you saw what it did to Erin. As bad as that slip on the banana peel was, you probably don't know is that was pretty mild. Dare I say it… but it was pretty easy to get her back when you were kidnapped. She didn't hesitate. I knew she wouldn't. Pretty much would have to have blinders on not to see what was going on between you two."

Jay raised an eyebrow. He wasn't surprised that Voight figured it out but thought the rest of the unit was in the dark. So much for playing it cool.

"Don't worry… you two kept it professional. It's not that at all. It's just that I'm a great detective and relationships aren't rocket scientists. If it makes you feel better, the rest of the unit was pretty surprised when Hank asked her about saving her boyfriend or…"

"What on earth are you talking about," Jay asked. This was all new to him. Apparently Erin hadn't told him everything that led up to his rescue.

"Another time, Jay. Let's not get off track now. All I'm saying, Erin is vulnerable right now. Voight has been her rock, the steadiest presence in her life. But now he is adrift and she may…" he paused, the meaning clear. This could be another, even bigger banana peel. And who's to say that she won't fall down that rabbit hold again. Jay knows about demons, he had enough of his own to understand that you can never completely walk away from your past, that recorder that plays over and over in your mind. How certain events that shape your life can't never fully be forgotten. Nevertheless, he did know that he was going to do everything in his power to keep that from happening because he wasn't about to lose his girl again.

"The best way to help Erin is to help Voight. He thinks of you as another son."

Jay looked incredulous as Alvin continued, "he respects you as a partner and as Erin's boyfriend. He knows you two are in love. He figures you'll be married sooner rather than later and is looking forward to more grandchildren."

"Married? Children?" Jay jumped up out of his seat. "Whoa! I do love Erin… okay, I'm in love with her… but… I'm not… she's not… I mean, we aren't ready for that. Yet. Not for a while…" he stammered, his cheeks bright red. What else have they discussed he wondered? This was not something he ever thought Hank would think, let alone discuss with Alvin. Seems like there is another side of Voight he didn't consider.

"So how can I help Voight if we don't even know where he is?" Jay asked.

"I'm not sure," Alvin admitted. "Then there's Antonio dealio."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not saying that he went after Voight's job. But I'm not saying that he _didn't_ not want it either. There's been a few times that they have had some pretty heated talks over how Hank handles cases. I don't know kid, I just don't feel good about this change. I'm hoping that once we find Hank, clear him and he's ready that we can get him back in charge. But I'm not so sure Antonio is going to step aside… I think the Commander may have his ear now. He just seemed different when we talked last night."

"Alvin, surely you don't think Antonio would do anything that would jeopardize Hank's position, do you. He's as upstanding as they come," Jay reasoned.

Al looked at Jay and stood up. He walked to the window and looked out at the gray skies. "Jay, as someone who's been a 'good' guy, I figured you could be the person who would understand where Antonio's coming from yet keep him from becoming _that_ guy."

Jay knew what he meant – he's always been viewed as the moral compass since he set foot in the unit. Antonio has always done the right thing as well but lately he wasn't entirely sure if his motives were pure since he's been waiting in the wings for his shot to be in charge. Not that he intentionally went after Voight's job but he obviously didn't turn it down either. And for some people, once they get a taste of authority, they don't always want to give it up. But he didn't want to think that way. For now, Jay needed to be there for Voight for both his sake and Erin's. He would also need to keep Antonio from being too ambitious and getting too close to brass, because that would ruin any chance Voight has of getting the unit back. It's a tall order and he wasn't entirely sure he was up for it but knew he had to try.


	11. Chapter 11

Erin must have some kind of radar because when he opened the front door, she was waiting for him.

"Wow, you must have excellent hearing. I feel sorry for your kids…" he stopped when he realized where he was going with the conversation. "… I mean, your hearing is as good as my mom's was. When I tried to sneak in… not that I did it a lot… or imply that's what I'm doing right now," he shrugged as he hung up his jacket. He leaned over and gave her a kiss. "Anyway… "

She stood in the hall with her arms crossed and her head cocked to one side. She definitely looked unhappy. He felt like he was in trouble yet wasn't sure why. He did call her and tell her he was on his way home, along with a brief narrative of his conversation with Alvin. He knew better than to blindside her and wanted to give her some food for thought before he returned. She would need some time to process what was going on. Maybe he made a mistake and underestimated her reaction. He stood in front of her waiting for her to do something other than stare him down.

Feeling like they were in a bit of a standoff, he tried to reach for her but her body language was clear. He sighed then broke the silence moving his eyes away from her to signal he was giving up. "Erin… let's sit down."

She turned on her heels, leading the way to the couch. Sitting on the very end, she pulled up her legs and hugged them to her. Again, her body language speaking volumes on her current state of mind. She looked like someone who was trying to physically protect themselves from harm. Jay almost felt like he could visualize the banana peel on the precipice of a giant, black hole. Jay sat on the opposite end but turned to face her. He had one arm draped over the top of the couch and made sure his body was relaxed, an open invitation to snuggle should she choose. He hoped she would realize that he was on her side but she still refused to look at him.

He essentially repeated his conversation with Olinsky, omitting the part where he was wary of how she would handle the news about Voight's suspension and subsequent disappearance. Instead, he told her he knew she was strong and would get through this. He ended with a simple reminder, "I love you. You are NOT alone. We will get through this together. I promise. "

When he finished, she stopped rocking and looked over at her boyfriend. Amazed, yet not – he was an anchor that she could hold onto in this storm. She was very grateful for this yet couldn't quite tell him. This would be yet another topic to discuss the next time she saw Dr. Charles. At least she realized she didn't feel the need to dull her feelings with drugs and alcohol like she did when Nadia died. This was definitely progress.

Erin looked over at Jay and rewarded him a small smile. Finally, she untangled her legs and arms and moved over to Jay's side of the couch. She fit perfectly under his arm as he brought it down to hold her close. She swung her legs over his lap and let herself relax in his embrace. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his other arm around her. Neither one of them bother to moved, even when the sun disappeared and the apartment grew dark, the only light coming from the street lamps.

The next morning, Jay woke up early and put on his running clothes. He tiptoed out the door, not wanting to wake up Erin, who tossed and turned most of the night. Even though he loved running with his girl, he needed some time to think as much as she needed more sleep. He left another post it on the bathroom mirror just in case she woke up before he got back.

It was dark and cool when he hit the street. Typically, he wasn't a morning person but he loved running before the sun was up, when the city was still sleeping. It was peaceful and he could almost imagine that it was a world without death and destruction. If only people understood how good they have it in America. If they saw what he saw in Afghanistan, no one would dream of killing someone over something as trivial as drugs or money. If only people realized that they were all the same. Rich or poor, black or white. Shaking off the dark cloud that threatened to overtake his thoughts, he started to stretch before taking off. With no real destination in mind, he turned right, running in the middle of the street since there was no traffic. He spent most of the evening before talking about Hank. It felt a little cathartic for Erin – she laughed and she cried as she talked about her earliest memories of Hank, even before she came to live with him as a teen. Jay know needed to process this information and start to think like Voight. This was how he was going to find him.

First and foremost, he needed to get word out on the street through their CI network. The tricky part will be getting his hands on some large bills. Information was always available, however the kind he needed was not cheap. Question was, could he get his hands on Voight's stash? No way he can use unit funds… that would raise too many eyebrows. He would have to text Al later because he was the most likely person who could help him secure the funds he needed to get the word out on the street.

The sun was rising when he found himself back at the silos. Even though it was much further than he would normally run, he wasn't completely surprised to find himself back at the scene of the alleged crime. For whatever reason, he knew there was something that drew him here. He stopped and looked at the ground where someone presumably dug up what Voight had buried. The same spot he spent hours moving the earth as well. It was still apparent to him where he dug. He crouched down and touched the mostly dry dirt. The average person probably wouldn't notice the disturbed earth however he was sure anyone from the department wouldn't miss it – they were all well trained not to miss the details. This had him worried should they find their way here. He could only hope that the ground would mend itself quickly and not give up its secrets.

Jay looked at the time. He had been gone almost three hours and would be officially late to work. He fired off a text to Erin, telling her not to wait for him and another one to Alvin, telling him he needed to talk to him "offline". The unit wouldn't be the best place to discuss his plan. Pulling up the Uber app, he ordered a car. Of course, on a busy Monday morning the soonest he could get one was 20-30 minutes according to the app. He hoped that wouldn't be the case but figured he'd better call Antonio. He didn't want to send the wrong message by showing up late to his first day he's in charge.

Antonio answered immediately, "Halstead. What's up?"

"Hey," he paused wishing he would have thought of a good excuse before calling. "Um… I just wanted to let you know I'm running late this morning but will be in ASAP."

"No worries, bro. What's going on?" he asked. Jay could hear the familiar hum of the station and knew he was already at the district.

"Well, yeah. Just literally running late. I woke up early and went for a run. Have a lot on my mind and um… just kept running. Waiting on an Uber now."

"Uber? Where the hell are you?" Dawson asked as he entered his code, Jay heard the clanging of the gate as it shut behind him.

Well, shit. This was the last thing Jay wanted to tell him was where he was. That would certainly raise some questions. Before he could come up with a suitable response, he noticed a black car approaching. Best timing ever, he thought as he told Antonio his car was there and again told him he would be in within the hour. That would give him more than enough time to spin the story, minus the part where he ended up at the silos. He wasn't sure he wanted anyone to know where he was. He just had this nagging feeling in his gut that there was something he was missing.

Traffic must have been lighter than anticipated because he was sure it hadn't been more than 10 minutes since he put in his request for a car. This meant he could get to the district in under an hour. The car pulled to a stop as Jay jogged over. When he reached the car, he hopped in the back. What he didn't realize was there was someone sitting in the backseat and that person was pointing a gun at him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Life gets in the way when you have all the intentions of writing. My wish was to be through this story before the new CPD season started but that wasn't in the cards. I promise, I'm going to wrap this up quickly and move on to more interesting Linstead things. I will be going out of the country for 5 weeks next week but haven't made much progress since I like to publish multiple chapters at once. At least I got through 2. I do have a very long flight so maybe I'll be inspired to write on the plane. Wish me luck and as always, would love any feedback you have. Thanks for reading!**

A murid of thoughts tore through Halstead's mind like a cannon ball on fire. First, was how he could have just jumped into the backseat of a car – with blackout tinted windows no less – so nonchalantly considering his situation was not a stellar move for a seasoned detective. His police brethren would mock him for days for such a rookie mistake. Then there was the flashback to another time where he made another split second decision that ended so badly that his own mind protected him by immediately flash forwarding to his kidnapping by Derek Keyes. He wasn't so sure he could endure another torture session when his brain (or maybe his heart?) jumped to Erin. What would she think about his situation? As much as he didn't need it, she needed it even less. One thing for sure was he was going to be late. And miss breakfast. He should have at least had coffee before he ran out the door. All of these things went through his mind in a flash while his body instinctively turned to exit the car.

"Not so fast," the man with the gun growled, "you ain't going no where, boy!"

Jay froze and slowly turned towards the gunman who had pressed the revolver to his side.

"Okay, okay," he replied raising his hands up. "Just put the gun down..."

"Not gonna happen, my friend," he growled pressing the gun even harder into his ribs. "Shut the damn door."

Against his better judgment, he slammed the door shut with his right arm, keeping his left hand in the air because the man with the gun seemed jumpy and Jay didn't trust him not to pull the trigger. He glanced at the young man sitting next to him, trying to size him up without being too obvious. Obviously, he wasn't in charge because he was too nervous. It's almost like he was as surprised to see Jay as Jay was to see him.

Yo! Let's get outta here," he said to the driver. The driver started to pull out when gunman yelled at him to stop. He looked at Halstead and asked him for his phone. Once again, Jay thought better of trying to lie and say he didn't have it. He reached into his pocket and pulled his iPhone out.

"Unlock it," he ordered.

Jay unlocked it and handed it over silently giving thanks to Mouse, who created a code they could use to unlock a phone but wouldn't give up any stored information such as contacts, texts or emails. It was a security precaution just in case someone ended up in a dicey situation such as the one Jay found himself in this morning. Hopefully, Mouse would be notified he used the code – wasn't that part of the point, kind of like a "9-1-1" or "help, I'm a dumbass and got myself in a situation here" Jay thought as he tried to get a good look at his captors without looking like he was. At least they could track the phone once they figured out he was missing.

The guy with the gun grunted as he handed the phone to the driver. The driver looked at the phone, then looked at Jay. "You ain't got no friends?"

Jay shrugged as if to confirm that he was just some random guy out for a run, no one important, nothing of interest on his mobile.

The driver got out of the car and bent over as if he was checking something with the car or maybe a tire. He got back in the car and Jay had a sickening thought. Sure enough, he put the car in drive and then Jay knew he was screwed. That small bump he felt under the tire left no doubt. It was his phone… or used to be his phone. And with that, there would be nothing to track. As they pulled away, Jay looked out the back window and the small black pile of plastic that he thought would be his lifeline, a beacon his colleagues could begin a search. Once again, it would be up to him to get out of a mess. No gun, no phone, no one to rescue him.

Erin inhaled deeply before she opened the door to District 21. She reached out to put her hand on the door handle but stopped shy of actually pulling the door handle as reflected on the past few days. A week ago, she skipped up these steps without a care in the world. Sure, her job was all about the worst of people but she also knew she was helping victims and their families. For the most part, cops are able to keep a respectable distance between their jobs and their personal lives. Now she lost her pseudo brother and quite possibly her surrogate dad as well. She really didn't need a reminder that life can turn on a dime; practically her whole life has predicated on the ups and downs of her mother's addictions, her father abandoning her, separation from her half-brother, the loss of Camille… the list went on and on. On the other hand, she was proud of herself for resisting the temptation to dull her senses with any outside assistance that her mother would offer. This was only one reason on the long list of why Bunny is no longer welcome in Erin's life.

As she hesitated, she wondered again if she should have waited for Halstead. Now that their relationship was "out", there was really no reason for them not to arrive together. She was keenly aware as soon as she stepped into the lobby, all eyes would be on her. She thought about pretending to be on the phone but realized that sooner or later she would have to face her colleagues so she might as well get it over with. Feeling completely vulnerable, she opened the door to face the music.

As luck would have it, there wasn't one civilian in the lobby. Seriously? That never, ever happens. Sure, there are quiet times but usually on a Monday morning you can count on a busy morning with all the folks who want to file a police report for things that happened over the weekend. Unreal. So as soon as she breached the doorway, the low hum of the lobby was immediately silenced as if someone hit the mute button. Despite not making eye contact with any one individual she could feel their eyes on her. Her heart was beating out of her chest as she slowed her breathing down to resist the urge to flee. People would be surprised that she would have the urge to flee – after all, she was a police officer and it was her job to willingly go into dangerous situations, which the lobby of the district was most assuredly not. However, this time it's personal. Perhaps more personal than even when Nadia was murdered. Her relationship with Hank was complicated but she felt like she owed him her live. Literally. He was so much more than her sergeant. He was her father, her mentor, but most of all, her savior. There was no doubt she would be dead if it weren't for him. But, that was then and this was now. The man she worshipped and loved more than her own parents has let her down in a big way. Yet…

"Morning, Lindsay," Platt greeted her. With a slight nod, she flicked her eyes to the staircase leading to the second floor. Grateful, Lindsay flashed a brief smile and fled upstairs as Platt surveyed the room flashing her eyes at anyone who dared look at Erin. Heads down, everyone went back to what they were doing, no one wanting to risk their neck by sticking it out so Platt can chop off their head. They all knew that if Trudy wasn't happy, no one was happy. The desk sergeant had a way of making the lives of her charges miserable for anything she deemed inappropriate. And this was definitely one of those times.

Erin inserted her hand in the scanner and continued upstairs quickly. Unfortunately, when she landed on the top step she realized she jumped from the frying pan straight into the fire. Commander Crowley was standing in the middle of the unit, with a gigantic scowl on her face. Her body language clearly demonstrated that she was in battle-mode. If only she realized what was waiting for her, she would have gladly sat under a burning lamp downstairs and field the questions from any patrol officer fired at her. At least they would have given her a bullet to bite down on before they executed her, unlike the commander who looked like she would rip her to shreds with her bare teeth.

Antonio stood in the doorway of Voight's office, his look very hard to read. She did wonder if he already made the move into Hank's space. The thought of someone taking over the unit made her feel like throwing up. No time for that however. She lifted her chin in defiance as she crossed the room to her desk. She could feel the steely eyes of Crowley follow her every move as she threw her bag into her desk drawer. Usually, she would leave it in her locker but she didn't want to give anyone the impression she was running away. While she felt like running away a few minutes ago downstairs, she now felt like a bull getting ready to be mounted by a cowboy who thought he would last at least 10 seconds but in reality would be bucked off in less than 2. "Bring it," Lindsay thought to herself. She fired up her computer and went about her usual routine as if she didn't have a care in the world. By now, the rest of the team was watching her, waiting for the inevitable moment when either she or Crowley would break the band of silence that surrounded them all.

Ruzek looked like he might be the one as his leg moved vigorously up and down as if it were on a springboard. His eyes darted back and forth between the two women, wishing one of them would speak already. He didn't know how Lindsay did it. If it were him, he'd be groveling at the feet of the commander hoping he didn't end up giving out parking tickets or worse – rooming with Eddie in Statesville. He glanced at Atwater who also looked like he was ready to break but instead of fidgeting, he was as still as a statue. Only his eyes darted back and forth between the two women as if they could cut through the tension in the room.

Emma Crowley finally caved and ordered Erin to follow her into Voight's office. Antonio moved quickly out of the way. He obviously wasn't interested in getting caught up in the commander's crosshairs any more than he already was. He moved over to his desk and took a seat.

Lindsay pushed her chair back and stood so quickly it crashed into the filing cabinet behind her. The guys immediately looked down at their respective desks, grabbing paperwork or whatever was convenient. Anything to look busy. As soon as the door slammed behind Erin, they all jumped up and headed into the breakroom.

"Holy shit!" Ruzek exclaimed. "I sure wouldn't want to be Lindsay!"

Olinsky smirked, "Oh, yeah? Well, I'm sure I wouldn't want to be Crowley. Don't worry, Erin's a scrapper and there isn't anything she can't handle, including the commander." Silently, he hoped this was true. He wasn't worried about her spilling the beans about what she saw and heard at the silos but more worried about her emotional state. What she didn't say could hurt her as much as what she _did_ say. He poured himself a cup of coffee, adding enough sugar to put a diabetic in a coma. Antonio grabbed a cup and set it on the counter before he grabbed the counter top with both hands as if he wanted to tear it off.

"I didn't ask to be put in charge," he growled, his back to the other men. He spun around and faced the team.

"Bro," Kevin began as he stood up from the couch, "no one thinks that." He grabbed his shoulder and shook it gently.

"Well, I don't know about that… I'm sure there are a few that may think I'm taking advantage of Voight's… situation."

The room fell silent as they waited.

"So, what do we do?" Ruzek asked. "Like, do we hang out in here all day or what?"

Olinsky shook his head. How many times does he have to remind Adam what he should be doing when things get dicey with Voight. "Adam, do your damn job. That's what you do."

With that, the team dispersed and headed to their desks. All of them always had a pile of paperwork to catch up on so it wasn't a stretch for them to take advantage of some down time.

Alvin stared at the closed door to Voight's office wishing he was a fly on the wall. In was eerily quiet. Frankly, he expected to hear loud voices. Now he was left wondering if the lack of yelling was good news or bad.

Just when everyone was settled into their normal morning routine, the door opened. Erin walked out followed by the commander. Both women looked grim as they parted ways, Erin to her desk and the commander to the staircase.

As soon as the cage door slammed shut, the guys were out of their seats and standing in front of Lindsay's desk. She leaned back into her chair trying to be coy but couldn't pull it off. She stood up, held up a finger signaling to wait a minute as she walked over to the stairs to peer down into the lobby. She could see Emma chatting with Trudy.

She walked back and sat back in her chair. "Look, there isn't too much to say. She wanted to know the deets of what went down that night. I told her the same thing I told her before. The same thing you all told her. She doesn't believe us, especially me and…" she paused and looked at the clock. "Where's Jay?"

They looked at each other, eyes blinking in response to Erin's question. It was a few hours since Halstead pinged Dawson saying he would be late.

"GUYS! WHERE. IS. JAY?" Erin exclaimed, her voice rising as she reached in her bag for both her mobiles. Neither one had a missed call or text from him. " _Shit!_ No one has heard from him?"

Dawson looked a little sheepish. "Not since he texted me saying he ran too far… didn't even mention where he was come to think of it. Do you know where he went running?"

Erin wasn't going to answer that question. Of course, Dawson and Olinsky knew what went down there but didn't know how much Ruzek and Atwater knew. "I'm not sure, he basically told me the same thing."

"Let's not panic," Olinsky reasoned, "where's Mouse?"

Ruzek jerked his head towards the hallway. "Pretty sure he's in the cage. I'll go check."

Antonio was dialing Jay and shook his head when it went straight to voice mail. He fired off a text even though he was sure his phone was off. He didn't have a good feeling and by the look on the faces of Alvin and Erin, he was sure they all were thinking the same thing.

"Kevin, why don't you go check on Mouse and see what he can find out," Antonio instructed.

Kevin knew when he wasn't wanted so he simply nodded and retreated to the cage.

"Erin, where was Jay running?" Antonio asked after Kevin rounded the corner.

She looked at Olinksy for help. She hated that she didn't feel comfortable speaking in front of Dawson. But he is in charge and until she was absolutely sure he was 100% on Voight's side, she couldn't bring herself to share anything that could hurt Hank. But what if in trying to help him, she hurt Jay. Her lip started to quiver. In her gut, she knew Jay wasn't just "late" – he found trouble at the silos.

Thankfully Mouse saved her. He came bounding into the room, carrying his beloved laptop. "Guys," he paused out of breath. "Jay's phone is off and I can't trace it. Last time he accessed his phone, he used the code. Guys… something is definitely wrong."


	13. Chapter 13

Jay sat in the backseat amused. The two men who kidnapped him turned out to be one fellow short of the Three Stooges – he just couldn't figure out where the third one was. Instead of fearing for his life, he was thinking maybe he was on some kind of bizarre reality show. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if a flag popped out of the gun saying "boom" like the cartoons with Elmer Fudd. The fact that the two kidnappers fought and argued about the route they were taking to wherever they were going was telling.

"Man, we gonna git caught up in traffic… why the hell you go this way?!" the backseat driver/gunman whined. "My old lady done told me I had to be home for lunch so she could take Shakira to her swim lessons."

"Brotha, why you gotta go and complain 'bout which street I go on? And why you gotta do what your bitch tell you? Besides, we know that black babies don't swim…" he countered

"My baby can do anything she want. I heard about that sister who swims and she's good. Like win an Olympic gold medal good. You just wait and see!"

"Fuck that. I ain't gonna watch no damn Olympics. I watch the Bulls, the Hawks and da Bears. Ain't gonna watch some a bunch of sissies…" he stopped talking as the car tire hit a curb because he was busy looking behind him at his friend. He was greeted by several horns and middle fingers when he swerved back into the street.

"FUCK YOU ALL!" he screamed flipping off an enraged man in a suit driving a BMW.

Jay tried not to laugh and said "do you really want to draw attention to yourselves, you know since you kidnapped me and all?"

It's almost as if they forgot he was there. The driver didn't acknowledge him, he just turned his attention back to driving. The guy with the gun simply told him to "shut the hell up!" as he pointed the gun back at Jay's side.

"So where are we going and what is it you want from me?" Jay finally asked after a few minutes.

"Terrance, pull up over here," the gunman ordered.

Jay expected another argument but Terrance pulled over to the side of the road. Before getting out of the car, the gunman told Jay not to try anything funny. Although he wanted to say something sarcastic back to him, Jay figured it was a good time not to set him off since he did have a gun. He just nodded and leaned back, relaxing his body and pretending to close his eyes. He could see the man pace back and forth on the side of the road, very animated to whoever he was chatting with on the other end. At the end of the conversation, he cursed at the sky and kicked a tire. The driver told Jay to stay put as he got out of the car to see what was the matter. Both men walked away from the car so Jay couldn't hear what they were saying but he still could make out some of what was said as their voices rose. From the gist of the conversation, he could tell that Abbott and Castello were nervous – one was chewing on this fingernails, the other one was banging his fists on his hips – and made an ill-advised move when they took him from the silos. Then they started pushing each other until they were both rolling around on the ground.

This was his moment to escape but instead, Jay decided to figure out what his would-be captors were fighting about. He got out of the car and approached the two men still flailing with each other.

"Guys! Guys!" Jay shouted as he pulled the two men apart. "What the hell is going on?"

Both men froze then jumped to their feet.

"Uh, well…" Terrance stuttered, "We shoulda… "

"Look," his partner said while patting Terrance on the shoulder, "we may have jumped to the wrong conclusion."

"What the hell does that mean?" Jay asked, starting to lose his patience.

"It means, we shoulda left you alone. So no hard feelings, okay?"

"Yeah, no hard feelings?" Terrance stuck out his hand which Jay ignored.

"We can drop you off somewhere if you'd like," his cohort added. "And we can forget the whole thing."

Jay was furious and wasn't about to forget about it. He turned towards his would be shooter and grabbed his gun. He waved the gun towards the ground and told both men to cop-a-squat. Reluctantly, the two men sat down but not before pushing each other like two little kids on a playground.

"Okay, start talking!" Jay barked.

Erin stepped out of the 300 and surveyed the area around the silos. She resisted the urge to call Jay's name – he obviously wasn't standing around waiting for her. All she knew was he had jogged there this morning so it was the place to begin the search. Images of Jay battered body floated around the outskirts of her conscious thoughts. She did everything she could to bury those images, refusing to believe he could be in that much trouble. Mouse and Olinsky were pursuing other leads while the rest of the unit were working a case that came in over the weekend. The hardest part was avoiding Crowley, who had a bee in her bonnet when it came to Voight. She wasn't going to be detoured from her quest to get Hank off the force and behind bars. She also knew she was risking a lot coming to the silos considering she didn't know what happened to Jay. It wasn't easy convincing the others she could handle herself. However, they all agreed the likelihood that someone was lying in wait for her would be pretty small so they relented – as if she needed their permission – and she headed to the scene by herself, just like the night she followed her gut and found Hank holding Bingham at gunpoint in the driving rain.

"Focus, Erin," she said aloud to herself. Right now, Jay was the priority – even more so than Voight. The ground was dry now, making it more difficult to discern any footprints that might give her clues as to where Jay may have been. Walking around she noticed some black plastic bits in the dirt. As she got closer, she realized it was pieces of a mobile phone. Jay's phone. She called Mouse back at the District to let him know she what she found.

"It looks like it was driven over, so I have to assume someone took Jay from here," Lindsay advised. "You find anything on your end?"

"No, nothing yet."

"Keep me posted, I'm going to keep looking around."

Lindsay searched the area carefully but didn't find any other clues. Erin paused at the area where Hank was standing over where Bingham was digging a hole and where Jay attempted to find the body.

She circled back around to the pieces of the broken phone, snapped some photos and put the pieces in an evidence bag. There weren't any other discernible tracks in the dirt so she decided that there wasn't much else she could gleam from the site. As she stood up and brushed the dirt off her pant legs, she was startled when her phone rang with Jay's ring tone. She looked at the ID and indeed, it did say Jay as their picture flashed on the screen.

"Jay?" she questioned.

"Hey," he responded. "You probably are wondering what happened to me…" he began before she interrupted him.

"Um, yeah. Are you okay? Where are you? What happened? How could you call me? I found your phone at the silos…" she spoke quickly, not pausing to even take a breath.

"Erin, I'm fine. In fact, I'm more than fine. Can you meet me at my apartment? I have to jump in the shower because I'm a mess."

"Are you hurt?" Erin asked.

"Nah. But I do smell…" he joked. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"I'm on my way. And Jay?" she paused, "I'm glad you're okay. You had me worried."

"Er, I love you. And I'm sorry you were worried. I'll explain everything. Just get your ass over here."

"Love you, too," she responded shyly. It was going to take some getting used to – dating was one thing, but having an actual boyfriend and saying she loved him out loud wasn't something she ever thought she would have. Smiling broadly, she quickly walked to her car so she could meet Jay. She would call Mouse and let him know that Jay was okay and she was headed to his place to meet him before heading back in to the District.


End file.
